How I Felt About Cancer | Self-Esteem | Hair Loss

You are altogether beautiful, my darling;

    there is no flaw in you. - Song of Solomon 4:7

A few months ago life changed for me. I became a stronger person, but did I really? I faced daily emotional struggles that not many can relate too. How did I get this far? Despite the emotional support I received from friends and family I still never felt complete. But, why? You see, a person can only be strong for so long then reality starts to kick in. I began to realize the effect losing my hair had on me, the power weakness had over my body, and the long journey that was awaiting me. Maintaining my self esteem became a work in progress. I no longer felt beautiful, confident, or happy. My days consisted of sadness because I no longer had my hair. Something so powerless consumed my happiness...and consumed me! I developed insecurities I never had. Was it the medication? the hormonal changes? the loss of hair? I distanced myself from so many people because I was insecure about the way I looked. But the reality is, was I insecure for myself? or insecure about the judgements I would receive from the world around me? It took me time to understand that my hair did not define who I am as a woman. It took me time to understand that all of this temporary. It took me time to understand that my insecurities are all in my head. What I am trying to say is, you have to mentally overcome the sadness and challenges to reach a brighter side. 

In reality, ups and downs are welcome. I am only 23 years old. I did not expect or ask to be in the position I am in. I would rather be focusing on my goals than fighting for my life, but there is a purpose I am sitting where I am. Now, if you were to ask me if I did become a stronger person...I would say yes. I was strong enough to handle the hair loss, strong enough to overcome the struggles of chemotherapy, strong enough to handle my breast cancer diagnosis, and strong enough to walk away from negative influences. You see, life is a journey awaiting unexpected curves. Our purpose can never be understood, but the way you handle the curves defines you and your path. Every part of our life involves a different chapter. Not every chapter will be pretty, but they determine your destiny.

xoxo, Kristin.